The "Big Day" BS

An excellent column on the problems with the "your big day" concept and the assumptions that go with it.

To sum up:

Assumption One: It's My Big Day. That is, getting married is more important to me than to my fiancé. A corollary to this assumption, which we can now call the Big Principle, is that only brides want big weddings. Men, by definition, rise above such superficial feminine displays.

Assumption Two: It's My Big Day. That is, nothing else I do in life will be as important to me as getting married. ... don't get me wrong: it will be a big day. I've never been married before; neither has he; if all goes according to plan neither of us will ever get married again. So yes, it's important. But it does not represent the pinnacle of my ambition (sorry, sweetie). Getting my PhD was a Big Day; publishing my first book was a Big Day. Those were both achievements; a wedding is not an achievement, it's a party. Marriage -- now that's an achievement.

Assumption Three is the flip side of Assumption Two: It's My Big Day. That is, I only get the one. Enjoy it, sweetheart, and carpe diadem, because from now on all it's all about him.

Not that she's anti-wedding or anything - just that it has its place and context:

My reasons relate to ritual, history, and symbolic transformations. Happily, a wedding offers endless opportunities to challenge persistent assumptions about desperate women on the last-chance express.

Well said!

(Thanks to Erin for the link!)